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I want better. To be better.

Its been a month since my last blog because I didn't know what to say.

I basically won the lottery in November.

Jocelyn and I talked about what we would do if we got a bunch of money. We had the same idea- do an amazing girls trip with our friends.

Then I created a goal of "surviving" in the jungle for 10 days. I wanted to do something so crazy that it seemed impossible and prove to myself what I am capable of. (Eat Pray Love much?)

Theoretically, these ideas sounded great in my head. Unfortunately, my theories could not have predicted what actually happened here in Peru.

The girls trip was a learning experience. My only hope for the girls trip was to create a break from the shitty reality we've been living.

Hope is a dangerous thing. It opens the soul to vulnerability. Having a desire to feel acceptance from someone creates expectations in a relationship. If there were no expectation, then the results wouldn't matter. The intentional pain inflected wouldn't leave scars of distrust.

The jungle experience did not match the expectations based on my request. I learned a lot about the jungle (which will be shared via my YouTube Channel). I also learned the length people are willing to go with a preconceived notion of taking advantage of inexperience. I may not have known much about the jungle, but I am well verse in fighting against corruption.

Disappointment may be the death of me, and yet I keep hoping.

Until the next post,


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