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The full circle

When I was 15 years old, I would tell myself "By 27 I will know who I am."

I'm 27 years old. I use to think that was sooooo old back when I was 19. I would silently judge the 25 year old graduate students. My perspective was if you couldn't get a job, then you had to go to grad school.

It was never a thought in my mind to not go to college. And if I was going to go get a degree, I wanted it to be prestigious. I felt a since of accomplishment when I said, "My major is engineering." I loved the response of "Oh you must be smart then." What these random people didn't know is I struggled through school.

I had to work hard to earn my degree. I failed classes. I didn't know how to study because I never had to. I had a bad habit skipping class because I felt so dumb in lecture.

Finally, I met a very smart boy. He patiently taught me electrical engineering over and over again. He told me where I could go to tutoring. He praised me for good grades and helped learn from failed test. He also challenged me to think for myself.

The smartest thing I have ever learned was how to learn.


Its raining in California.

Today, I woke up at 4:45am to go to the gym with Pat. He dropped me off at the RV park. I went back to bed, woke up at 9:12, snuggled with Prairie Dog. Then took the cat and dog for a walk. On the walk I picked lemons from a tree. Afterwards, I got back to the RV and juiced a lemon, green apple, and cucumber.

My soul is calm.

I was baptized by fire from mankind. I was baptized by water from mother nature.

Last week I traveled up the coast of California.

Brunch in Pasadena

Ostrich feeding and wine tasting in Solvang

Lavender Farm in Santa Ynez Valley

Bracelet making in Camarillo

Train ride to Santa Barbra

Bus ride to Salinas

Peace Corp meet and great at a Brewery

Ocean Kayaking in Monterey

Doja Cat concert and tattoos in San Jose

I hung out with a friend I met a month ago for a few days. Then I traveled north to hang out with a friend from college (7 years long friendship). All three of us are in life transition, all seeking our version of silence.

The most powerful expression is vulnerability. The most welcoming expression is acceptance. To be loved for who you are at your weakest.

In Monterey, I met a friend of a friend this weekend. A 23 year old female master student. From her perspective, I was a unemployed engineer living in an RV park while profiting off a sugar daddy.

I'm smiling now to myself as I think about how this young intelligent female challenged me in every conversation, testing my patience with her judgmental accusations. I'm smiling because I was her-at her age.

I thought I knew better than the people around me.

I was going to make a difference in the world of men. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

You can't be the change you want to see in the world while getting paid by the very thing you seek to destroy. No institution will teach you that.

I'll be curious to see where she is at in 4 years when she is 27.

Until the next post,


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