We fill our mind with sound, so we can't hear our internal screaming
I'm baaaaaaaaaack!!!!! I can't disclose where I have been for the last few weeks, until I get the go-ahead from the producers.
I found silence. She was hiding in plain sight but I chose not to hear her.
Silence is ever an allusive creature. When I called to her, she came to me, but I was the one who left in the end.
I was scared.
I was scared of accepting her because I knew I would never re-emerge the same.
I carefully crafted my formulated life on the belief of concessions.
Who was I to be discontent with my empire of dirt? I built the future with the notion I could not have it all. That I should be grateful for what was given to me from the hands of those who are more superior than me.
I raged my war against oppression with my voice as my only weapon. Knowing I was a lamb going in for the slaughter. I sacrificed my life to stand before my so called maker. I stared in the eyes of the man, as he looked beyond me. He sentenced my life to death with no conscience sparking in his bleak disposition.
I searched for my asylum, seeking refuge in the comforts of distractions filled with noise.
Then, at my weakest moment, I called to her. My sweet silence. I asked her to forgive me.
Forgive me for not forgiving myself. I grew calloused while she watched the light of the world drip away from my heart.
My fortress was re-enforced with hate. A stronghold no man could break into with weapons of their own.
And then he heard me, when I spoke no words. He shared his silence with my timid soul and asked for nothing in return.
I have been deconstructed. The raging anger soothed with peaceful rains.
I am not different but I am not the same person. I realize now, that I must go. I can do the impossible. I can have it all.
Until the next post!